The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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