What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
