She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
