dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
