just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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