I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
