before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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