when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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