you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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