Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
