god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
