Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize