You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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