I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
