i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
