Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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