my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
