she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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