Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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