But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
