Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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