Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
