Pappa wants mamma naked
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
