I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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