I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
can u get pink eye on your cock?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
