i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
