i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
