Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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