I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize