i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
