I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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