fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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