Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
