yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
