Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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