What did we do last night that was yellow?
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
