4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
