I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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