Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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