I want to have your abortion
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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