How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
