so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
