im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize