The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hippo gnu deer
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
