Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize