He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We named our party play list daddy issues
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Randomize
