dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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