you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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