I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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