While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
