Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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