Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
