Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
