Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
