i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize