Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
