Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We left the knife in your bed.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
