He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Every concussion has its silver lining
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
