4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
