Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
