this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
