her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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