i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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