Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
