I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
