If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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