i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
