I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
