Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
