Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
