If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
