I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
