I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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