So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the day after is always just damage control
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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