so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
