Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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