chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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