Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
