3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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