there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
