So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
