He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
