I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
