I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
