Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
