I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
