Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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