ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
