I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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