Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
