Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
