508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
