The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
