remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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