i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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