Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Even my vagina gasped.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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