I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
