Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She bit a glass in half.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
