Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize