but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
