Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
