People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
