So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
